Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?

By Josh Meisner

A few weeks ago in a Cheer and Loathing in the Free World piece I wrote, which I basically cheer or jeer something that peeks my interest,  I gave a resounding cheer to former NBA Player Dikembe Mutumbo for not only his athletic play and overcoming great odds, but also for his charity work. So imagine my shock and I do mean shock when I found out that recently implicated it a plan to smuggle out gold from his native Congo. So this made me to start wondering aloud is there anyone to believe in, that we can hold up a beacon of hope for humanity. Are there no more heroes or role models?

In watching old movies you see young boys idolizing politicians, astronauts or pro athletes. You see them gazing up at their posters or collecting there newspaper clippings where newspaper men carefully posed them with giant grin on their face next to some mop head child. Today that fantasy doesn’t apply. Not that people then were more revered then people now, it’s just that with 24 hour news cycles, twitter, cell phone cams and the hero veneer has slowly been peeled away scuffed and tarnished. Honestly when I think of the last great person who embodied the will to stand for something, the ability to overcome and inspire many people the only person I can think of is Gandhi. Ghandi who passed away over 64 years ago.

Leader, philosopher and humanitarian.

Maybe I try and hold people to too high of a standard and want too much. Yes there are people today trying to and are achieving great things.  Theses all seem like quick flickering lights though in your periphery that you never really catch or see. Maybe I have to change what my definition of a role model or hero should be?  Maybe I need a new word to describe what I think I am searching for. To me a role model or hero for the lack of a better word should inspire you to be a better person and give you hope. I guess you could pick a person in your field and try to emulate their success but I am not sure if that fits the bill. If you are a basketball player and your idol is say Michael Jordan and you want to be a great basketball player he be a good blue print to follow. But is he contributing anything to help propel society to make it better? Is he a good person? Does he make everyone around them better people? Can you look to him and say he will help me overcome a problem I have? These are the questions I ask.

Maybe it’s not heroism or determination that makes a role model.  Maybe we aren’t using the right words. Hero is one often thrown around quite loosely. People who risk their lives are heroes not someone who makes a lot of money on Wall Street or can hit a mammoth homerun.  Captain C.B. “Sully” Sullenberger who landed the plane in the Hudson a few year back and saved lives, he is a hero.  Even though that one event probably did inspire us, lift our sprits and gave us some hope it was a single moment in time.  Maybe its leadership we require? A lead by example type of person who just does more than talk?

There still some feel good moments.

Could  the quality I am looking for is a word that not often used any more. Nobility.  You need to believe that no matter what they won’t waver on their convictions. That in the face of adversity they will do the right thing and not the easy thing.  That they will overcome great odds to do the just thing. They must inspire those around them to be better for the greater good.

Yes this is a tall order. In a me first world where our institutions have decayed (religion, government, sport, science) for a variety of reasons it hard to stand or believe in anything really.  Especially In a world today where we seemed to be programmed to tear down, mock and ridicule anything that even has the smallest shred of purpose or good will behind it.  The occupy protest were mocked and ridiculed due to the fact that there was yes some unsavory and disorganized people at those events. They just wanted some answers. The same thing happened during anti war protest in the late 60’s and early 70’s when yes some unkempt and drug induced youth strayed off course.  President Obama I think came in with the best of intention (you can argue that amongst your selves) but constant undercutting, questions of his birth place to how many cigarettes he had a day were used to take the luster off of any good will he may have intended.  It is so much easier to tear and poke at any ideal or person than it is to accept maybe as crazy as it sounds, that we think we can move people in a positive direction.  Are we that jaded and scared?

So is there any hope? Is there a person with true uncompromising ideals who will give us leadership we so dearly lack? I am not saying one person should have all the answers. I don’t think one person could. It would be nice just to have some symbols. Someone who fights the good fight. Someone who stands up and says this is the problem, this is how we can fix it, follow this path and good will come. It may sound corny, outdated or lame, but the alternative is to believe in no one.  Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I hope I am not the only one.

I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

John Lennon

 

What if we really lived in a WWE Universe?

By Josh Meisner

For those who watch wrestling, more importantly WWE (Formally WWF but we won’t get into that) often the talent will come out to the ring and refer to the WWE Universe. The WWE Universe is a marketing brand they put on the fans of WWE. It’s a clever and smart move by them, but it got me thinking what if we REALLY lived in a world where we were governed by wrestling logic?

7:00- Your alarm blast off with a small amount of pyrotechnics with Hulk Hogan yelling at you  “To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.” You roll out in your Val Venis robe and decide to eat a dozen eggs and some Vitamins before work.

7:43-Stuck in traffic listening to some generic heavy metal. Is that…is that Fozzy,  Chris Jerichos band?

7:47-You wonder what ever happened to the tag team Men on a Mission?  Did they ever reach their goal? If there goal was to be huge, dress colorfully, rap horribly then disappear, mission accomplished.

7:52-Still in traffic. Now you are pawing at your face trying not to snap. But you want to snap. Stupid construction.

7:53-Shit was that the Brooklyn Brawler holding that construction sign? We aren’t even in Brooklyn.

8:02-Get into the office. You sneak in the back because you are 2 min late. You run into Phil or better know as the Pennsylvanian Pipe Bomb (PPB). Shit why does that guy have 3 colored hair and wearing a mesh top? Anyway he blabbers on how Mr. Bossman wants those progress reports on his desk NOW.

8:07-Finally you get to the punch clock. Good the boss didn’t see you. You will just punch in and…

Boom your music cuts in and pyro goes off. Frig you forgot about that. You are screwed now. You sprint to your cubicle and hide. You think of ways you can blame Hornswaggle for this debacle.

I know I know, I can't believe they replaced Hawaiian Shirt Day with Wacky Tie Day either.

8:09-Oh no here comes that villainous vixen Salacious Samantha. That is a mouth full. You wonder how an inch and a half of leather holds her bozongas in but yet they do. She isn’t anything but trouble. See how she wears her eye makeup? All slanty and dark. Why doesn’t anyone else see this?  She walks over and starts talking about how you two could run things around here. Out of nowhere her hulking boyfriend The Destroyer lumbers over and he is pissed. He starts spiting on you as he yells about you trying to take his girl. He then decides to throw you through the wall of your cubicle. He froths at the mouth and takes off.

9:30- You decide to Grab a drink at the water cooler. Shit here comes PPB. He starts yammering on how he going to be the man around here and how he sorry the Destroyer bashed your head in. He then turns quite and pale and sprints out of there. You know this can’t be good. You turn around. Ah shit it is Mr. Bossman there. He starts berating you on how you were harassing Salacious Samantha and that you were late for work. Oh and where the hell are my progress reports?  He says he would fire you on the spot but he has got a better idea. You have to face The Destroyer in a match and that match is right now. Shit you just wanted to grab a drink of water and maybe cram a granola bar in your stomach.

I think he works in our typing pool

9:45-So you took of your clothes and change into your ring gear, a canary yellow singlet with red swooshes all over it.  You limber up, your music hits and you make your way to the ring. Your co workers are cheering you because well they hate the Destroyer. He big, he loud, he got shitty tattoos and is covered in coconut oil. Note to self, invest in coconut oil. The bastards buy it by the gallon. You see the Ted from human resources is the ref. Good old Ted, you know he will give you a fair shake.

9:50-Ted is a shitty ref. You hate Ted. Samantha distracted him once, which led to you getting the hell choked out of you and another time The Destroyed distracted Ted and you got hit with a damn purse with a brick in it. Who carries a purse with a brick in it? What Ted, me screaming and thrashing around isn’t enough for you to turn around and take a peek at what is happening? Christ I guess you will have to figure this out yourself.

9:54- You somehow hit him with a stunner and get the pin. You are glad that over though, because you are behind on your paper work today.

Noon-Good its lunch time. Ric Flair calls you up and wants to know if you want to do lunch. Hell yes after the morning you had. Wings and beer baby. Wooooooooooooooooooo.

1:00- Good power lunch with Ric. The rest of the day should go well. All you have to do is walk back in the building. Wait what that? Is that a speeding car?  Headed right for you? What shall you do? Good thing there some cardboard boxes conveniently placed that you can throw your carcass on. Who was behind the wheel of that car? Why is there a camera man there filming this? Hey camera man do you see who was driving? No? You didn’t think so.

This is Gus. He works in our mail room.

1:06-You are kinda creeped out at the moment. The guy who works in the cubicle next to you before lunch was dark and  brooding and yelled “ I am a rabid junkyard dog ready to chew your ass up” in every conversation you ever had with him. Now he dressed in a dash-eke dancing like he on soul train. You guess you  wasn’t suppose to notice or question this? This office is messed up.  You liked it better when Barry Horowitz use to work next to you. He just pat himself on the back for a good job done.

1:35- You go see Mr. Bossman to see if he will do anything about security in the parking lot. He calls you puke and tells you to get out of his office. Well that was a bit much. That issue will not be resolved any time soon. You wonder who it was driving that car? Was it Ric? Was it Frank the Tank from accounting? Who set you up?

2:15-Taking an early break. Today has been messed up. A memo was sent out how Mike” The Hammer” Peluso was apparently dragged to hell. That sucks, but that does mean there an opening on the 4^th floor. Hmmmm.

2:16-PPB all in your face again going on about how The Hammer was drug to hell. Yeah you know.  You got the memo. He keeps blathering on. You finally say the hell with this and smash him in the head with a chair. Problem solved.  Now you can enjoy the rest of your lukewarm coffee.

Who want's to buy 50/50 tickets? We are raising money for Jenny's boob augmentation.

2:50-Mr.Bossman is screaming at you for nailing PPB. He thinks you are out of control. You say how you are getting sick of how things are being run down here. You never get considered for promotion, you almost got killed outside by a run away car, The Hammer got drug to hell, Sid Vicious won’t approve your expense report and shit this is only Monday. So you do the sensible thing and challenge him to a steel cage match. Enough of this bullshit. Let’s get this straightened out right now.

3:10-Putting on your yellow singlet again. This is my shot to show what I got. You are pumped. Got a text from Koko B. Ware saying good luck.  You’re flexing and ready to go. Crap here Salacious Samantha again. She says she sorry for what happened earlier. She so full of shit.  She is trying to throw you off before your match. She EVIIIIIIIIIL. Wait its Melissa Sparks. She so nice and perky.  She the only one in tech support who doesn’t have an attitude.  Also she is hoooot. She tells Samantha to get out of your face. Wait why is she defending me? I can take care of myself.  Sparks just slapped the shit out of Samantha. Damn.  Well at least they aren’t doing porn like Chyna(sadly true).

4:20-Your music hits and you head to the ring with pyro blasting off . Your Co workers are going nuts. This has been building for what seems like forever. Then you think Christ you got to crawl in that cage? This might not have been a good idea. You see Mike from human resources is doing this match. You hate human resources.

4:21-Mr. Bossman music hits. There are boos everywhere. People are yelling things that they would never say to a normal human being.

4:26- You am stomping Bossman. You are completely dominating him. You are positive you will win this match. There no doubt.

4:27-Son of a bitch had brass knuckles. But the ref is outside and won’t do anything. F’ing refs.

4:29-He is now trying to get out of the cage while you lay there bleeding from the brass knuckles. He is going over the top, but the door right there. Anyway, your head is groggy from the pounding you just took.  You guess you better go stop him.  Good thing for some reason he taking his sweet time throwing his leg over the top of the cage.

Look, I am more then a quota filler sir. I finished at the top of my business class with a 3.95 GPA.

4:30-You grab him by the trunks, exposing his backside to for all to see. Sorry folks. You yank him back down and you both crash to the mat with a giant thud. You are staring up at the ceiling praying to Andre the Giant to help you. Your back is killing you and you don’t know if this is classified as a work place accident or not? Note to self: Call your lawyer David Otunga.

4:31- You both stumble to our feet with the crowd urging you on. Ugh. This is brutal. Some guy outside the ring is broadcasting to the audience to stop the insanity.  The lights go out. Now what the hell is going on? You are getting to old for this shit.

4:32-Oh shit. It’s the Death Dealer. He is the one who drug The Hammer to hell. What he doing here? I thought he was at a conference in Mesa, Phoenix. What he want? He probably still pissed at either the Mr. Bossman  removing the Colombian Roast Coffee  from the lunch room or that you ate part of his lunch one day by accident. It was an honest mistake. You both had Macho Man lunch bags.  You are screwed.

4:33-Death Dealer kicking everyone’s asses. He is a monster. He definitely got rage issues.  Probably mommy issues too but now not a good time to bring that up. He still mad about his lunch, hence the power bomb you just received. Mr. Bossman is laughing hysterically at you. That ass is going to win except the Death Dealer then power bombs him and promptly leaves.  So here we are again back to square one.

I hate it when the vending machine have no ketchup chips left in it.

4:42-After a tired back and forth your finally hit him with a flying elbow drop to stun Mr. Bossman and use what left of your brain to crawl out the ring door. Thank Jesus that over with.  Your music is blasting and the place is going nuts. Then the mood changes.  You  look up the ramp and see…Ric Flair.  After a series of woos he starts saying how he should be the one getting a promotion. How he is overlooked and how he going to do everything in his power to make your life a living hell. He admits he tried to run you over because you stand in his way.  In order to be the man you got to beat the man. He dead drops the microphone and leaves.

4:55- You still try to comprehend what happened. You change out of your ring attire and get ready to go home and crawl under your Degeneration X sheets.  Some guy with a microphone runs up to you and asks for your reaction to what just happened. The logical thing to do would be call the cops about the attempted his and run or occupational health and safety about your work place conditions or start looking for a new job cause you just beat the crap out of your boss.  But this is the WWE Universe. You calmly turn to the camera, look right into it and say “Ric, you want a piece of me, tomorrow in front of the whole entire WWE Universe I will show you who the man is. “ Cut to logo and fade to black.

Hey Hollywood, Listen up

Every year Hollywood try valiantly/in vain to create a movie going experience that will entertain and make money. Honestly these execs are probably somewhat smart people but they get so oversaturated with film, ideas and pressure to make a hit they often produce glossy and generically bad stuff. So Hollywood, if you are listening I will pitch some ideas that will either be judged as pure genius or pure insanity. (At the very least it be entertaining)

 Perfect Strangers: The Movie-Starring Johnny Depp, Kevin Pollack Director????

I’m sorry that Hollywood is so desperate for movie ideas that they will soon completely tap out the comic book and pre 1980’s TV market.  This is the next logical step. Balki Bartokomous, the loveable fish out of water being played by the charismatic and talented Mr. Depp.  Producers just give him a lot of space to create this character. Kevin Pollack, (a highly underrated actor), to play the neurotic and over the top Cousin Larry. You could build a plot around Balki showing up on Larry’s door step who trying to make it in the big city (Keep it Chicago.  NY and Boston and LA have been done to death in movies). Then for some reason pesky homeland security agent (let’s make it Will Farrell or maybe John Hamm) believes that Balki Is up to some shenanigans.  Cast two hot young actresses as the air attendant neighbors and turn part of the movie into a bit of a chase throughout the streets of Chicago and you got yourself at worse a movie of the caliber of Due Date.

Where Waldo? Starring Kevin Spacey, Ryan Gosling, Blake Lively  Directed By David Fincher

Ok it is official that MGM already holds the rights to this book series yet they don’t know what to really do with it probably. Seriously how would you make a whole movie about a kid’s picture book where you well have to find Waldo. This is my pitch.

Turn the story into Kevin Spacey playing the mysterious Waldo, a serial killer who has the ability to mimic voices and people and blend into the background.  Cast the super hot (career wise not physically not that I think of men in that way) as they young hot shot San Diego detective via Baltimore who ends up with the case. Blake Lively will play Gosling pseudo girlfriend who has issues of her own.  No kictcy love story just two people dealing with relationship shit. I would also cast Lou Diamond Phillips as Goslings older wiser partner though he ends up buying it about 25 min in cause Gosling went into a crime scene gung ho. At worse this is Seven or Kiss the Girls.

 Wooooo: The Rick Flair Movie Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (There Will Be Blood)

Ok I don’t know who stars in this, but coming off the success of the Wrestler this is a great subject matter. Rick Flair is a flamboyant, interesting and tragic character. Plus there wrestling but make it focus more about the person life. It would follow the career from the very early beginnings to his present day life. Show how his reality and his character seem to overlap.  I would do it like biopic I’m Not There (the Bob Dylan movie). You can have multiple people playing him at different points of his career. From his rise in the wrestling ranks and pop culture, his numerous legal and financial troubles, career choices and pitfalls and the pure exploration of his mystique.  At worse this would be Ali.

 

Tweeter and the Monkey Man- Starring Aaron Johnson (No Where Boy) James MacAvoy(Xmen), Mary Elizabeth Winstead(Scott Pilgram),  Hunter Parish (Weeds) Director Coens Brothers

This is the famous Traveling Willberries song depicts the friend’s ship of heroine dealer and his Vietnam vet friend on the run from the law.  This movie not only would be targeted at older audience (song references and nostalgia) but would have a cast of young and talented actors. This could be a very well done movie set against the back drop of the late 70’s.  Focusing on how every character has there own points of view on the world.  It would focus Tweeter the ex vet (Aaron Johnson) who did what he thought was right and served his country but feels empty and his loyalty to his friend monkey man(James McAvoy or possibly Gordon Joseph Levitt). He would be more the middle of the road character. Monkey man a down and out drug dealer who just wants a piece of the American dream. An extreme left and anti mainstream character. The undercover cop( Lets say Hunter Parish of Weeds)  who believes he is doing the right thing trying to catch the Monkey man, though his judgment is somewhat clouded by his sister named Jan (Mary Elizabeth Winstead or Jennifer lawerence from X-Men) who is under the spell of the Monkey Mans counter culture ways.  How will it end? Who knows? The a cool 70’s  background and heavily conflicted characters who each have their own agendas and morals makes for an interesting plot. Plus the Coens brothers ability to create interesting and quirky characters is a plus. At worse this would be Almost Famous.

They Call Me Julius- Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Brad Pitt, Christopher Waltz, Scarlett Johansson , and a cast of thousands Director: Quentin Tarentino

Ok I have no real plot except this. After Pulp Fiction the character Julius (my man Sam) said he was going to walk the earth. Pick it up in present time in say Florida where Julius is still looking for some sort of internal piece. Sam for the most part has gone straight, but then he gets simply caught up in some straight up bull shit.  Have him meet various characters trying not to be bad ass but he is still bad ass. Christopher Waltz as the main villain, in a movie of villains and interesting characters. Maybe Brad Pitt as a lowlife pusher who doesn’t have a clue about anything except surfboards and weed.  Scarlett Johansson as the lovely lady of the film who seems to stir the pot. Quentin please do this. It would be fantastic.  Groin grabbingly fantastic. At worse this would be ummm,.. I don’t know. It just be sweet.

By Josh Meisner

The Magical World Of Vern Fonk

About a month ago I was bombing around on YouTube and I came across a peculiar Christmas ad for Vern Fonk Auto Insurance. It is a insurance business based out of Seattle, Washington. After watching one of his ads is was mesmerized/traumatized and perplexized. (Hey if snoop can make up words so can I).  Needless to say I wanted to know more about this guy. Was I being put on buy some local improve group who made up this fictional ad?  Was this guy insane? I had no idea.

Most of his ads seem to use many quick pop culture and movie references.  Usually poorly done but entertaining. So I tried to find some more info on this guy. Do to my research on trusty/not so trusty Wikipedia, I found out much to my shock the guy in the ad who you think is Vern Fonk is not the real Vern Fonk. (Will the real Vern Fonk please stand up.)

The man who you think is Vern real name is  Rob Thielke who is a manager at one of his offices who  writes these off beat ads. The real Vern Fonk died in 2006. This made me sad because deep down inside because  I wanted Vern to be some whacked out entrepreneur who sold auto insurance but also dreamed of being a superstar a la Mary Katherine Gallagher.

Seriously this guy will do anything to get your attention.

Help I’m Being Oppressed.

Even though there is no real Vern Fonk, the spirt of Vern Fonk lives on.  I applaud his be kind rewind approach to ads despite probably most peoples use of common sense.  Who knows this could be what State Farm and SunLife insurance ads could look like in five years.  To check out more of his odd ads, just go to youtube and type in Vern Fonk. Who knows what you might find.

By Josh Meisner

Why this ad will ruin someone’s day.

Ok the whole running joke of this Dentyne ice ad is that you have to practice safe breath. But they make it the equivalent of buying condoms/rubbers/jimmy hats which is the supposed joke. This is not a rant about the quality of the joke, but I know right now there some dumb ass thinking “hey if I chew this gum she won’t get knocked up”  Unfortunately those are the people who can barely walk and chew gum at the same time let alone hump and chew gum.  Honestly in a world where we put disclaimers on EVERYTHING because we have to guard against the stupidest people doing stupid things this one doesn’t have one. That why bags have warning  on them saying this bag is not a toy or when you watch a commercial with a stunt in it tell you in fine print do not attempt this, trained professionals.  I am horrified to think right now there some dude banging away thinking this is the greatest birth control method since the classics like “she won’t get pregnant if we have sex standing up” or” if I am on top” or”the pull out method.”  Or worse the guy who has more than one brain cell (maybe as high as 3) will chew it and stick it on the end of their dingle dangle. God I hate to answer that 911 call.

911:Hello 911 what is your emergency?

Dude: I’m stuck

911: Ok sir where are u stuck?

Dude: Umm err inside of my girlfriend?

Girl: Jesus don’t use my name and I’m not your girlfriend we just met.

911: Where are you?

Dude: I told you inside her.

911: Where your location that you are stuck

Dude: Umm that kinda inapropriate asking me about my sexual habits.

Girl: Jesus we are in Dairy Queen bathroom. Hurry and get me away from this moron.

Dude: You said take you somewhere nice woman!

911: Sir just how in the hell did you get stuck?

Dude: I got Dentyne gum on the end of my Jimmy Johnson.

911: You are sad case of humanity sir. CLICK

So please makers of Dentyne put a disclaimer on this commercial. Save some poor girl or paramedic the embarrassment. It is your public duty to try and stop dipshits from trying to ruin the rest of our lives.

 

By Josh Meisner

Dumb Mega Rich Sports: Thoroughbred Bread Racing

Ok let’s say you have an enormous amount of money. Like Richard Branson or hell P Diddy (or Dirty Money, Sean Combs, Puffy or whatever the hell he calls himself) money. Now I’m sure you worked at least somewhat hard to obtain all this mullah. Sure you give some money to charity just to show you are human, own nine different home in exotic locals that you visit at most 2 weeks a year and  bought yourself a private jet but god damn it you just still have way too much money.  So you start to think of crazy shit you can spend it on. Like

a) you pay a guy who job is to hold an umbrella over your head no matter if its raining or not.

B) 24-carat iPhone 4 cause damn it a regular I phone be just to blah

c) you hire the guys from Ghost Hunter International to make sure that there no spooky ghost in any of the luxurious hotels you stay in not trying to steal your money.

But damn it still those things are useful.  I mean hell who doesn’t want to get wet, or be robbed by ghosts. You need something totally frivolous and yet show your status. Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Thoroughbred horse racing.

Horse racing has been around since the times of gladiators.  You see though that was born out of a useful purpose. You needed fast horse to run away from Mongols or charge into battle. Horses were an essential part to your everyday life. Now what do we do. We take two horses, make them have sex, produce a 3^rd horse inject him with drugs, stick a guy with a whip on his back and run the guts out of him for a quarter mile.  If the horse is successful he gets to do it again or if not he made into glue.

This article is not about the sport of horseracing. There are breeders and trainers who are on the level .  This is about why someone would want to own a thoroughbred horse. Cause really, what does the owner have to do with the outcome. The horse does the running, the jockey does the ridding and the trainer does the training. The owner sits in box with his monocle and mint julep with his cronies and mistress guffawing away at some lame ass joke. Hell most of the  time they don’t get to name them.  Oh and the rules to naming a horse is ridiculous. I would get horse racing if the owner was ridding the horse, trained the horse, or even housed the horse.   But they don’t. There job is to write a check. Wow that must be exciting.

Let’s face it they get into it because it’s a prestige thing. Sure there can be winnings, but really it’s more of a “see how much money I can waste on something I know nothing about but I will take the credit” thing. It’s about saying I can make this horse bang that horse and I will own its child. Honestly what if we started doing this with people. Lets get Martina Navratilova and Jimmy McEnroe together to see what kind of tennis player we can get or Courtney Love and Gary Busey to have a love child to see what sort of crazy we get. To me it’s insane. If it wasn’t immoral and frowned upon they probably would try it. (Illegal probably don’t mean anything to them if there uber rich).

Thoroughbred racing: Where money if flushed down the drain cause you can.

By Josh Meisner

A Chance For A Re-do: Pearls of Africa

Now this is far what from what I thought one of my first blog/report/story would be like. Honestly most of the stuff you will probably see here would be profanity laced jibber jabber about some inane movie idea or some weird/trendy/horrifying popular video on YouTube. But about a month ago I came across this story that made my eyes well for some reason. This is a story I had to share.

Uganda. Why should I care about some boys from Uganda of all places? Many of us probably cannot find it on a map. (For your info it’s in Africa west of Kenya and south of South Sudan.) So why did it catch my eye? Little League Baseball. Yes there is little league baseball in Africa. The story tells of how an American business man decided to start a baseball in Africa.

Now that could be a fine enough story in itself. It is quaint, cheerful and sweet. But it’s so much more of a story than that. To make a long story short the team from Uganda won their region to become the first African team to qualify for the Little League World Series in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania.

That would have been a beautiful end to the story. A classic story of a scrappy baseball team who overcome great odds to reach their goals. It would be the classic children’s Disney movie. Unfortunately though this is not a Hollywood screenplay splashed upon the silver screen. Their dreams were quickly quashed by bureaucratic bullshit.

Upon applying for visas to come to the supposed land of opportunity, where dreams are made and stars are born, they were denied access to the states due to their visas having “irregularities”. When asked what those were they cited security reasons they could not reveal what the “irregularities” were. It was the equivalent of a baseball umpire ejecting a player then asking why saying “I can’t tell you it’s a secret”. (Later reported that there ages on their visas weren’t matching their birth certificates) Funny how they met the requirements of both the little league world series and I believe Saudi Arabia, who they played in the finals of their regional play in. Yes I do understand they both probably don’t have the high standards or resources of US Immigration but no red flags were found in the other cases that are of my knowledge). So some necktie too tight, can’t see the forest through the trees, bum hole kissing excuse of a bureaucrat in one fell swoop denied these kids an opportunity. (NOTE: Saudi Arabia ended up taking Uganda spot in the little league world series. Interestingly Saudi Arabia is one of Americas few allies in the Middle Eastern region and also major oil supplier. Potentially a wink wink nudge nudge move was in play or just a happy coincidence. )

So I could just leave you there hanging on this sad note and everyone could go on with their lives. But there is a way to make it right. You see Uganda’s first historical game as the first African representative at the Little League World Series was to be the team from Langley, BC. These young kids partnering with Right to Play International are trying the best they can to correct this wrong. They are trying to raise funds to fly Langley team to Uganda to play the game that never was and to help build a field so that future generations have a place to go and play the game they love.

Amazingly a bunch of 13 year old boys from Canada decided to cut through political mumbo jumbo and are trying to do the right thing. It’s a novel concept that I hope catches on. But they need your help Check the link below. There is a great 8:00 video that sums up there story much better than my ramblings could ever do. Please help these kids reach their goal.

By Joshua Meisner

Link to Baseball In Uganda Story

clip?id=6860895

Link to Right to Play International

http://righttoplay.akaraisin.com/youthbaseball

The Last True Preformers

Coconut oiled behemoths with peroxide dyed hair, sprayed on tans and spandex shorts. These are the last true public entertainers. There something about the great dance in the fabled square circle. You can get lost and mesmerized by the large then life spectacle.  Whether it be a 7 foot mammoth of a man, the high flying antics of a masked man or just the insane boasting of a dude whose face is painted,  who if you saw on the street you declare mentally insane. You and I both know the outcomes are predetermined and that no that a man can be hit with a steel chair seven times and just be fine with it but I think that part of the allure. You want to get lost in the absurdity  and the grandeur.

To me its easier to interact and relate to than say a movie or shakespearian play  (though the plots and occasional cross dressing that occurs are very Shakespearian. ) You see unlike a movie where you have to remember plot points, characters ect., any novice can go to a wrestling show and a) quickly learn who to cheer and who to boo (mob mentality at its safest),  be wowed by amazing feats of athletism or when they land face first on a opponent from the top turn buckle or when a guy getting punched even though you know its faked( though sold very well.) Also unlike a movie if five min in to it you know its going to suck it pretty much owns you for the next hour and a half to two hours.  At a wrestling show if a match sucks (which also can be quite entertaining in its self) there another one ready to roll out.

Also there fan interaction. As much as I want to yell at Nic Cage at a movie theater (which is surprisingly frowned upon) you get no immediate reaction from him. When the big bad heel (heel is wrestling term for baddie) come down and you yell that he sucks or flip him the bird (which is a very popular go to move) you get a reaction. Now its his characters reaction which he may have premeditated, but the deep down satisfaction of being acknowledge is satisfying to say the least.

These men and woman have to be actors, stuntmen, public speakers, symbols and imporv artist all at the same time.  And unlike stage actors they don’t give the same performance every night. For example if you are playing Willy from Arthur Millers Death of a Salesman, you already have a character outlined for you and you say the same lines in the same tone just about every night. In wrestling you never know how the crowd will react, how your opponent will react to a move or hell how your own body will react. Let’s face it if you get slammed on a concrete floor you have no idea how your body going to feel (probably pain yes but how much?)

I know wrestling often get frowned upon. There fans are often characterized as Rednecks or uneducated or have no grip on reality. But in truth wrestling fans come from every walk of life. Whether it be young, old, lawyers, men, woman, businessmen or teachers.  Before you judge I ask you to go to one show.  Not necessarily a WWE show but from a local circuit. (There are tons of them out there, you just have to pay attention)  I have faith that at the end of the evening there be at least one sliver of  moment that you will go Wow that was worth it and you will appreciate the work they put into it. (Note: do not try these moves at home. Just had to be said)

Welcome To After Much Deduction…

Welcome to After Much Deduction. This blog will touch on a variety of subjects. Pop Culture, Movies, ruined child hood memories  and everything that pops up in the world of today. I hope to keep your cranium full of very very unimportant info and occasionally make you think.

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