Fear and Loathing in the Free World Dec 13

Were you think damn its going to be one more day before I get to read another Fear and Loathing in the Free World piece. Well all you chico’s and senoritas I decided to publish one day early cause well that how I roll. (For the uninitiated I try to post one every Wednesday). So away we go in my funk mobile rolling to my soul shack.

Cheer:  Beastie Boys: They are now in there 4^th decade of producing there blend of hip hop/techno/ punk guitar rift rock. Whenever one of their song hit my car radio I usually end up rocking out and throwing my hands in the air (not the safest thing to do). Plus it’s the only concert you probably could go to where a white guy in his mid 30’s can wear a baseball cap backwards and still be considered “down”.

Loath: Friging white flash/rapid movie editing: Ok I get it. People today supposedly have shorter attention spans (thanks Riddley Scott and MTV).  So staying on a image longer the 2 second may bore your viewer. But holly hell in a hand bag do we need to flash 19 edits up in less than 6 seconds. I just recently saw a movie called Mega Piranha’s (yes I know it was going to be shitty), but the edits made the movie seem like some meth head who having withdrawals creepy nightmare.  I swear its some guy who just got out of editing school and say “hey guys watch this, I can make you have a seizure. “

Loath: Christmas Albums: They make money for musician. It’s a quick cash grab for an artist to sit down and bellow out some classic.  Occasionally its tolerable but often it’s a mishmash of song we don’t know complete with strange yodeling of singers trying to make it their own. If you want to sing white Christmas or Here comes Santa Claus, then sing the fing song. No need for guitar riffs, 8 octave ranges, that guy from the old spice commercial, record scratches, Yanni pan flute, and to be produced by timberland or thee Bruce Dickerson.

This makes me want to convert to another religion.

Cheer: Wi-Fi TVs: Wait what I can now watch my allegedly downloaded movies straight from my computer to my TV without wires or a gaming system. What I’m not suppose to use it for that what am I suppose to use if for. Family photos? Really? You guys are funny.

Cheer: KFC Gravy– I try not to promote products here but KFC gravy is good (though the rest of their product line has gone to crap. Sorry someone had to tell you Colonel. You probably already knew that when you tried to convince us the KFC meant kitchen fresh chicken. Nice try) KFC Gravy is fantastic. Well gravy in general is awesome but this is angels would taste like if they were processed into liquid form. Unlike…

Loath: Smuckers Uncrustables– I tried to find a commercial for this product though I’m sure the guys in there marketing department didn’t want any part of this lame product. Essentially it’s a frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwich that looks like a pizza pocket. Who the hell are these for? For people who can’t spend two whole anguishing minutes to make them self a sandwich. This product is not available in Canada because we all know how to use a butter knife and take a bread tag off a bag.

By Josh Meisner