Open Letter to Colonel Sanders

Dear Ghost of Colonel Sanders,

Hey buddy, how is it going? I know you are busy and all running dealing with this whole bankruptcy protection mess in Canada. That is a lot for someone to handle let alone doing this being a ghost. You are probably wondering over the year where did you go wrong?

Look I don’t know if it is really your fault or not. Sure the governments basically forced your hand in the tasty trans fats column. I guess they had to protect us from your once succulent chicken. I missed the days you would bring a bucket home and you could see through the box and view those magnificent golden brown pieces. Those were good times. That and that funky Oopee ball you use to have. You remember it was basically a beach ball that you put water in one end and it went all nuts o. Wow what destructive times we had.  (Oh and the looney toons mugs were awesome as well)

But hey that was the past. You have to adapt.  So they took away your fat. I know it hurts but let’s face it your product was slipping.  You 11 herbs and spices seemed to have dropped to 7. I know there no way to verify that but damn it the pop wasn’t there anymore.  You then went from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC. Sure it was shorter and hipper I guess (like lol and omg) but once the words Kentucky and fried disappeared I felt I was just eating regular ass chicken. I think this even affected your French fries. Your fries seem to always be limp and sad. I just don’t know if this was they felt they were an afterthought and lost their self esteem or maybe they just felt they were just a gravy delivery device and they needed not to be strong and proud.  The final nail in the coffin I do believe is when you tried to pass KFC off as Kitchen Fresh Chicken. I have eaten chicken in my kitchen. It in no way resembled this. Maybe in the colonel’s house but never mine.  In the famous words of Chris Berman “Come on man”.

I know you tried to win us back. You tried to adapt. You tried skinless chicken for those health nuts out there, there was the extra crispy stage, and recently it was the double down. But let’s face it. Without the original taste you were bound to fail. Also with chicken joints like Popeyes Chicken and Chick-fil-a breathing down your neck it became quite the cruel chicken market out there.

                Kentucky Fried Chicken use to be a treat. Your grinning goateed faced smiling at us as we scarffed down your chicken (more specifically your chicken skin) your lovely array of coleslaw and mock potato salad (sorry it’s not like homemade potato salad. I’m not even sure if under the definition of salads it’s a salad. I guess it’s better than calling it potatoes with mayo and small red things I think that are radish) A nice side of fries topped with your delicious gravy. But now you are just KFC and well to be honest that not the same.

I wish you the best of luck Colonel. I hope you get everything straightened out and get back to basics. Greasy chicken, succulent gravey and crazy promotions.

 

Sincerely

Josh Meisner